i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
