I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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