420 ftw
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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