The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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