I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
