laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
