Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
