my vag is so smooth its legendary
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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