Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
