smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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