Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
