your thong is hanging out like whoa
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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