Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
