the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
