when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
