my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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