How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
