Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
