I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
