Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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