I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
