Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
