I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do herpes really smell.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
