People in love make me want to vomit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
