Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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