Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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