I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
