it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
