In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
