paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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