By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
