When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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