i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She bit a glass in half.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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