Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
