when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
