My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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