Umm I'm too high to move.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
