sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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