So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
