Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
