pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
