I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
