She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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