I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
