like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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