i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
