Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
