Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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