i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
