There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
