I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize