she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
false alarm, still single
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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