see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Panties = found
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
