Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
