i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
