Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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