I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
