I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
