I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
