apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
