Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
