I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
